Is divorce ever permitted?

Question 11007

Few pastoral questions are more painful than those involving divorce. When a marriage is in crisis, people want to know: Does God ever permit divorce? What are the biblical grounds? What about remarriage? These questions deserve careful, compassionate answers from Scripture.

God’s Design: Marriage is Permanent

We must begin with God’s ideal. When the Pharisees asked Jesus about divorce, He took them back to the beginning. “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:4-6).

Marriage is a covenant, not merely a contract. “The LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14). Covenants are meant to be permanent. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) because it violates the covenant He witnessed.

This must be the starting point. Anyone contemplating divorce should feel the weight of God’s design. Marriage is serious. It is permanent. It is not to be abandoned lightly.

The Exception: Sexual Immorality

When the Pharisees pressed Jesus further, He acknowledged an exception. “I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). The Greek word is πορνεία (porneia), which covers a range of sexual sins: adultery, fornication, and other sexual unfaithfulness.

Jesus is saying that when a spouse commits sexual immorality, the innocent party is permitted to divorce. The marriage covenant has been violated by the guilty party. The innocent spouse is not required to divorce, and reconciliation should be pursued where possible, but divorce is permitted.

Notice that this exception is for the innocent party. The one who committed adultery cannot claim this exception for themselves. They violated the covenant; they do not get to use their own sin as grounds for divorce.

The Exception: Desertion by an Unbeliever

Paul addresses another situation in 1 Corinthians 7. What happens when one spouse becomes a believer and the other does not? “If any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him” (1 Corinthians 7:12-13). The believer should stay and be a witness.

“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15). If the unbelieving spouse abandons the marriage, the believer is “not enslaved.” Most interpreters understand this to mean the believer is free to remarry.

This exception applies specifically to the situation where an unbeliever leaves a believer. It should not be stretched to cover cases where two believers divorce or where the believer is the one who leaves.

What About Abuse?

Scripture does not explicitly address domestic abuse as grounds for divorce. However, many godly pastors and scholars believe that serious, unrepentant abuse effectively constitutes desertion. The abuser has abandoned the covenant responsibility to love and cherish, and may be demonstrating that they are not truly a believer despite their profession.

At minimum, separation is justified to protect the safety of the abused spouse and children. “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (Proverbs 25:28). No one is required to remain in a dangerous situation. Whether such separation can lead to divorce is debated, but safety must come first.

Churches should be places of safety for those suffering abuse. Too often, women (usually) have been told to return to abusive husbands and submit more. This is a failure of pastoral care. While we uphold the permanence of marriage, we must also protect the vulnerable.

Remarriage

Can divorced persons remarry? This depends on the circumstances. If the divorce was on biblical grounds (sexual immorality or desertion by an unbeliever), the innocent party is generally considered free to remarry. Jesus said “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). The implication is that if the divorce is for sexual immorality, remarriage does not constitute adultery.

What about someone who divorced without biblical grounds and now realises it was wrong? What about someone who was divorced against their will for no biblical reason? What about someone who was the guilty party but has since repented? These situations are complex and require pastoral wisdom.

Some would say that anyone divorced for unbiblical reasons is forbidden to remarry for life. Others would say that genuine repentance opens the way for a new start, including remarriage. Churches and denominations differ on this. What is clear is that God forgives sin, including the sin of an unbiblical divorce, when there is genuine repentance. How that forgiveness affects the question of remarriage is where godly people disagree.

If You Are Considering Divorce

Do everything possible to save the marriage. “So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth” (Malachi 2:15). Seek counselling. Get help from your church. Address the problems rather than running from them. Many marriages that seemed hopeless have been restored by God’s grace.

If reconciliation is truly impossible, and biblical grounds exist, then divorce may be a last resort. But it should never be the first option. It should never be pursued because you have “fallen out of love” or found someone more appealing. These are not biblical grounds. They are excuses.

If you have already been through a divorce, know that God offers forgiveness and restoration. David committed adultery and was involved in murder, yet God called him a man after His own heart because he repented. The woman at the well had been married five times, yet Jesus offered her living water. Your past does not disqualify you from God’s grace.

For the Church

The church should be a community that upholds marriage while caring for the divorced. We should teach clearly that marriage is permanent and divorce is not God’s desire. But we should also welcome those whose marriages have failed, offering support rather than shame. Some in our congregations are divorced because they made sinful choices. Others are divorced because their spouses abandoned them. Both need grace. Both need community. Both need to know that their future is not defined by their past.

Conclusion

God’s design is for marriage to be lifelong. Divorce is never His Plan A. But in a fallen world, sin breaks marriages. Sexual immorality and desertion by an unbeliever are biblical grounds that permit (not require) divorce. Beyond these, situations involving abuse and abandonment require careful pastoral judgement. Whatever your situation, bring it to God. Seek wise counsel. And trust that He is able to redeem even the most broken circumstances.

“For the LORD, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce, and him who covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” Malachi 2:16 (cf. ESV footnote)