What about singleness?

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Question 11106

In a culture that often treats marriage as the expected norm and singleness as a problem to be solved, the Bible offers a surprisingly different perspective. Singleness is not a deficiency, not a waiting room, and not a lesser state of Christian existence. Scripture speaks of it with genuine honour and presents it as a context in which God can be served with a particular freedom and focus that married life does not easily permit. The question is not whether singleness is valid but whether the church has done justice to what Scripture actually says about it.

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Jesus and Singleness

The most significant single person in human history is Jesus Christ. He lived a fully human life, experienced every dimension of human existence, and accomplished the greatest work ever performed, all without being married. His singleness was not a limitation. It was the context in which He gave Himself entirely to the work the Father had given Him. The fact that the Son of God lived as a single man ought to settle any suggestion that singleness is inherently incomplete or that marriage is necessary for a fulfilled human life.

Jesus also spoke directly about singleness in Matthew 19:10-12. When His disciples responded to His strict teaching on divorce by suggesting it might be better not to marry, Jesus did not dismiss the idea. He said: “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this, let him receive it.” Jesus acknowledged that some are called to singleness for the sake of the kingdom, and He treated that calling with dignity and respect.

Paul and Singleness

Paul was almost certainly single during his apostolic ministry and wrote about it at length in 1 Corinthians 7. His perspective is striking. He says plainly: “I wish that all were as I myself am” (1 Corinthians 7:7), referring to his unmarried state. He describes singleness as a gift (charisma) from God, just as marriage is a gift. He does not present singleness as a consolation prize for those who failed to find a spouse but as a genuine calling with particular advantages for kingdom service.

The advantage Paul identifies is freedom from divided attention. “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34). Paul is not criticising marriage. He is being honest about its demands. Marriage rightly requires significant time, energy, and attention directed toward one’s spouse and family. The single person has a freedom of focus that the married person does not, and Paul regards this as a genuine spiritual advantage in certain contexts.

Singleness Is Not a Problem

The church has sometimes made single people feel like incomplete Christians, as though they are missing something essential or have somehow failed to achieve what God really intended for them. This is pastorally damaging and biblically indefensible. Paul explicitly says that remaining single is good (1 Corinthians 7:8) and that the person who refrains from marriage “will do even better” in terms of undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:38). He is not establishing a hierarchy of spiritual status. He is recognising that different callings serve the kingdom in different ways, and that singleness carries particular opportunities that marriage does not.

The church needs to be a genuine community for single people, not a matchmaking service. Single Christians need the same things every Christian needs: meaningful relationships, accountability, pastoral care, and opportunities to use their gifts in the body of Christ. The local church should be the place where no one is relationally isolated, regardless of their marital status. The New Testament’s vision of the church as a family transcends biological and marital categories. Every believer belongs, and every believer has a place.

Loneliness and Contentment

Honesty requires acknowledging that singleness can be accompanied by loneliness, particularly in a culture that pairs off early and organises social life around couples and families. The Bible does not pretend this is easy. It does, however, offer resources that go deeper than the problem. Paul’s declaration in Philippians 4:11-13 that he has “learned in whatever situation I am to be content” applies to every circumstance, including singleness. Contentment is not the absence of desire but the presence of trust in God’s provision, timing, and purpose. The single Christian who desires marriage is not sinning by desiring it. But the desire must not become an idol that controls their emotional life and obscures the goodness of what God has given in the present.

So, now what?

Singleness is a legitimate, honourable, and spiritually fruitful state of life. It was lived by Jesus, commended by Paul, and given to the church as a gift alongside marriage. The single Christian is not waiting for life to begin. Life has already begun, the kingdom is already at hand, and there is work to be done. The church’s responsibility is to honour what Scripture honours, to include single believers as full and valued members of the body, and to stop treating marriage as the default expectation for every follower of Christ.

“I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” 1 Corinthians 7:7