What Biblical guidance is there for single Christians on marriage?
Question 11062
Singleness in the church can be a profoundly isolating experience. Much of church culture is oriented around couples and families, and single Christians often feel marginalised, pitied, or treated as though something is incomplete about their lives. For those who desire marriage, the longing is real and the waiting is hard. Scripture does not ignore this. It speaks with both honesty and hope to the single Christian, and what it says is considerably richer than the platitudes that well-meaning friends often offer.
Singleness Is Not a Problem to Be Solved
The cultural assumption, both inside and outside the church, is that singleness is a temporary condition on the way to the real goal of marriage. Scripture does not share this assumption. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” The word Paul uses is kalos, meaning good, noble, or honourable. Singleness is not a consolation prize. It is, in Paul’s estimation, a genuinely good state that carries its own advantages for service and devotion to God.
Jesus Himself was single. So were many of the most significant figures in the history of the church. The notion that a person is incomplete without a spouse has no basis in Scripture. Human completeness is found in Christ, not in another human being. The single Christian who is fully devoted to Christ is not half a person waiting to be made whole. They are a whole person whose primary identity and satisfaction are found where every Christian’s should be found: in relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
For Those Who Desire Marriage
Having affirmed the goodness of singleness, Scripture also affirms the goodness of the desire for marriage. It is not wrong to want a spouse. God Himself said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). The desire for companionship, intimacy, partnership, and family is built into the creation order. The question for the single Christian who desires marriage is not whether the desire is legitimate but how to pursue it faithfully.
The most important principle is already established: marry “only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39). This is not optional, and it is not a guideline to be weighed against personal feelings. A shared faith in Christ is the non-negotiable foundation. Beyond that, Scripture points toward qualities of character rather than superficial attraction as the basis for a wise choice. Proverbs 31:30 is direct: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” The same principle applies in both directions. A potential spouse who loves Christ, demonstrates the fruit of the Spirit, is growing in spiritual maturity, and shows evidence of genuine character is a far better foundation for lifelong partnership than physical attraction or emotional chemistry alone, important as those may be.
The local church is the natural context for meeting potential spouses, though it is not the only one. Christian conferences, mission work, and the broader community of faith all provide contexts in which believers meet and develop relationships. Online dating is neither prohibited nor problematic in principle, though it requires the same discernment about character, faith, and compatibility that any other context demands. The key is that the believer approaches the search for a spouse with prayer, patience, and the willingness to trust God’s timing rather than forcing outcomes through anxiety or desperation.
Waiting Well
The hardest part of singleness for many Christians is the waiting. The desire is present, the opportunity has not yet come, and the temptation is either to take matters into one’s own hands (compromising on the “only in the Lord” principle) or to become bitter toward God for withholding something good. Both responses are understandable. Neither is faithful.
Waiting well means using the season of singleness for what Paul says it uniquely enables: “undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:35). The single Christian has time, energy, and flexibility that married Christians with families simply do not. This is not a consolation. It is a genuine opportunity. Serving in the church, investing in friendships, developing gifts and skills, pursuing education or vocational training, engaging in mission, and deepening one’s walk with God are all things that singleness makes possible in ways that marriage does not. The single years are not wasted years. They are years of preparation, service, and growth that God can use profoundly, whether marriage eventually comes or not.
So, now what?
The single Christian who desires marriage should hold that desire openly before God in prayer, pursue relationships wisely within the community of faith, refuse to compromise on the biblical non-negotiables, and trust that God’s timing, however frustrating, is good. The single Christian who does not desire marriage, or who has come to a place of contentment in singleness, should receive that as a genuine gift and invest their freedom in devoted service. In both cases, the foundation is the same: identity and satisfaction are found in Christ. A spouse may or may not come. Christ has already come, and He is enough.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33