Is spanking biblical?

Question 12056.

Physical discipline is the part of this question that gets argued about, though behind it sits a whole theology of children, of authority and of correction. I want to deal with the wider matter first, because most of the heat here comes from people talking past each other.

I should also say at the outset that the law in the United Kingdom has changed and is still changing, and no Christian should be advising parents without reference to where they actually live.

What Proverbs actually says about physical discipline

The texts are well known. Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him, Proverbs 13:24. Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with the rod, he will not die.

Two things need saying about these. The Hebrew word shebet, rod or staff, is the shepherd’s implement, the same word in Psalm 23 where the rod and staff bring comfort. It is an instrument of guidance and protection, not of injury, and the same book that mentions it insists throughout that the goal is a wise and teachable child rather than a compliant one.

The second thing is that Proverbs is wisdom literature. Its sayings are general observations about how life normally works rather than absolute promises or legal statutes. Train up a child in the way he should go operates the same way, which is why I have never used it to beat a grieving parent whose adult child has walked away.

The genre question matters more than people admit

If Proverbs is a legal code, then physical discipline is commanded and any parent who declines is disobedient. If Proverbs is wisdom, then it commends firm and loving correction, illustrated in the ordinary terms of its own culture, and leaves the form of that correction to parental judgement in a given setting.

I hold the second view, and I hold it because of how Proverbs itself works. It also says that a soft answer turns away wrath and that the borrower is slave to the lender. Those are true as general wisdom, and nobody treats them as statutes admitting no exception.

So my position is that the Bible clearly commands discipline, clearly commends it as an expression of love, and does not require one particular method in every culture and every century.

Discipline is much larger than physical discipline

The Hebrew word usually translated discipline, musar, means instruction, correction and training. It is what a father gives a son so that he will become wise. The New Testament equivalent, paideia, is the word Paul uses when he tells fathers to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, Ephesians 6:4.

That is a formative project, not a punishment schedule. It involves teaching, modelling, correcting, explaining, restraining and forgiving, over about eighteen years. Parents who reduce discipline to what happens after a rule is broken have misunderstood the word.

Paul adds a warning to fathers in the same breath, not to provoke their children to anger. Discipline that produces a resentful, frightened or humiliated child has failed by the Bible’s own standard, whatever method was used.

Does the New Testament change the picture?

This is where I think the argument becomes interesting. The New Testament has a good deal to say about children and about fathers, and it never once mentions the rod. Paul’s instruction to fathers is about not exasperating them and about bringing them up in the Lord’s discipline and instruction.

That silence is not a prohibition, and I would not build a doctrine on it. But it is worth noticing, particularly for those who insist that physical discipline is a matter of biblical obedience rather than parental judgement. If the apostles regarded a specific method as mandatory, they had ample opportunity to say so to households where the question was live.

What the New Testament does give us is a picture of God’s own fatherly correction, and it is worth studying carefully, because Hebrews grounds all Christian thinking about discipline in it. God’s discipline is never arbitrary, never vindictive, always purposeful, always aimed at our good, and always administered by One who loves us perfectly. Any parental discipline worth the name is trying to reflect that.

Notice too that Hebrews admits our earthly fathers disciplined us as it seemed best to them, which is a striking concession. Even inspired Scripture acknowledges that human parents are working with limited wisdom and mixed motives. That should make us humble about our methods rather than dogmatic, and it applies to those who defend physical discipline and to those who reject it outright.

Where Christians go badly wrong

There are two failures and I have seen both. The first is the parent who never corrects at all, who negotiates with a three-year-old as though he were a colleague, and who then wonders why the teenage years are unbearable. Scripture is blunt that a child left to himself brings shame, and the parent who avoids every confrontation is not being gentle, he is being absent. Children read that accurately, and they usually push harder until someone answers.

The second failure is worse, because it wears biblical clothing. Physical discipline administered in anger is not discipline, it is assault with a proof text attached. Any correction given while the parent is losing his temper should not be given at all, and a parent who cannot tell the difference should not be using it.

Some Christian teaching in the last few decades has been genuinely damaging here, prescribing detailed regimes of physical correction for infants and treating a child’s will as an enemy to be broken. That is not what Proverbs teaches and the results have often been dreadful. If that describes what was done to you, I am sorry.

The law, and why Christians must respect it

In Scotland and in Wales, physically punishing a child is now a criminal offence with no defence of reasonable chastisement. In England and Northern Ireland the position at present is more limited, with a defence available for mild smacking but not for anything causing more than transient reddening of the skin. The direction of travel across the United Kingdom is clear.

Romans 13 tells believers to be subject to the governing authorities, and this is not an area where civil disobedience is warranted. Nothing in Scripture requires a parent to use physical discipline specifically, so nothing is lost doctrinally by obeying the law of the land. Parents in Scotland and Wales are not disobeying God by keeping the law; they are obeying it.

I would add that Christians should be careful about how they speak on this publicly. Defending a parent’s right to smack in a culture that has seen real abuse of children requires more wisdom than most social media posts contain.

What effective correction actually looks like

Consistency does more work than severity, as I have said elsewhere in working out what is and is not sin. A child who knows exactly what will happen, every time, needs far less correction than a child who is guessing at his parents’ mood. Most discipline problems in the homes I have visited were consistency problems wearing a different hat, and no amount of physical discipline will fix them.

Explanation matters more than physical discipline ever did. God does not simply command Israel, He tells them why, and He appeals to their understanding. A child who is told what he did, why it was wrong and what is expected next time is being trained rather than processed. Correction without explanation teaches fear, and fear is not the goal.

And restoration must follow correction. The point is never the punishment, it is the relationship put right. That is how the Lord deals with His children, disciplining those He loves for our good, that we may share His holiness, Hebrews 12:6-11.

So, now what?

If you are a parent, do not start with the question of physical discipline. Start with whether your home has clear expectations, calm follow-through and generous affection, because those three shape a child far more than any method of correction ever will.

Obey the law where you live, and do it without resentment or a running commentary about how unreasonable it is. Examine your temper honestly, and if you cannot correct without anger, deal with the anger first. And if you got this wrong with children who are now grown, it is not too late to say so. Few things heal a family faster than a parent who apologises properly, without excuses and without asking to be reassured. See also how to teach children to love Scripture.

Children build their first picture of God from the way they are corrected at home. What is yours teaching?

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4, ESV